friday

on the fire escape

the two most annoying sounds in the world fill my ears

our neighbors cat howling in heat

and four different ice cream truck jingles

someone fuck that cat

and buy some damn ice cream

Going Away: Returning to Life

Taking the train home backwards

River runs smooth beside me

Endless wall of rock towers above

Branches hang low, slick with mornings scattered showers

The end of my tea is a sugary sludge

Flipping through the pages of a book

Scribbling and scratching at my papers

Tired of sitting still

Marveling at the machinery I'm surrounded in

Engines start and stop with loud gasps

A baby cries, an old man mumbles, a woman talks nervously into her mobile

I am not interested

I am consumed by the thought of leaping out those heavy train doors and making my escape into the wilderness

Taking my leave of routine

Putting in my two week disappearance notice

I want to run along side this train

feel the rocks
smell the air
bathe in sunlight

return to the trees roots.

Outside of Death

Why do I feel...
Why do I feel so awful?
Why do I feel betrayed, slighted, mistreated...
When there has been no wrong doing?

No misdeed. No lies.

Nothing is wrong here
Nothings wrong but me

No one is at fault but me
Making myself so ill


SICK SICK SICK

I am my own sickness
I am my own fault
I am my own enemy

VIRUS COATED SKIN. DISEASE RIDDEN SOUL.

I am my troubled thoughts
I am my fears
I am my worries

I feel awful
I am awful
I am awful at keeping myself in one piece

I am sick
I am ill
I am fear

I am SICK SICK SICK

I cannot deny my disease

their eyes connect from across the room
they sit silently among the noise
they don't involve themselves in chatter or mingling
they're still in the chaos around them
they've heard it all
they've seen it all before
they've been there already

the only thing stopping them is their mutual embarrassment of realizing they've been seen.

Protocals

Keep to yourself

Only speak when you have something witty to say

Don't talk to strangers on the street

Beware of wolves when you are a hen

Don't cry over spills, wipe it up and apologize.

Avoid eye contact which makes you look available

Skirts should end at your finger tips, any shorter and you're asking for it

Standing up for yourself only leads to trouble, take it in stride

Smile only when you have too

Turn the other cheek; fighting back is for the uncivilized

It is better to turn back than to head into the unknown

Do as I say; not what you feel like doing

No man shall take me alive

They will drag me kicking and screaming
They will force me out howling with laughter
They will never silence my fiery tongue
They cannot take me alive

I will not go down with out a fight
Gnashing my teeth at their fingers
Writhing and kicking, impossible to control

I WONT SHUT UP UNTIL THEY SHUT DOWN.
No man shall take me alive.

WANT

Want that book
Want that rug
Want those records
want those coffee mugs

want those shoes
want that shirt
want a cup of coffee
want a dessert

wanna stimulate the economy
wanna help strengthen our weak system
wanna help out a vendor with electricity bills
wanna help the merchants peddling wares we want
we may not need
but WANT

can't spare a dime to fill a cracked cup
can't lose a bill on a waitress's tip
can't waste what you've got so little of to help others

these things are so GREAT!
what do I want?
WHAT.