Nerves

I am on fire.
I am burning up and getting crispy.
It stems from my chest
and radiates to my knees

You would think
the amount of sweat I am producing
would quench the flames
But it's only creating more smoke
which fills my lungs
causing me to suffocate
then hyper ventilate

And now my head is starting to crack open
spilling yolk on my shoulders

Now I am sweaty, on fire, and starting to cry

Because every time I start to zen myself out
of these conveniently constant situations
A reminder window beeps behind my eye lids
to tell me about what is due this week
what I haven't started
or how I am neglecting my own projects

How I haven't done laundry in weeks
How I still haven't set up a time with my therapist
How well I did last semester and if I don't do as well this time around
I will be disappointing myself and everyone else, because thats how it works

How I don't have a job because I am incapable of controlling myself

And how
And how
And how
And how

I am running late
and I am sweaty
and I can't breathe
and I forgot to brush my teeth
and I will never afford grad school
and I won't ever get a job
and I won't ever have enough money to support myself
and I AM GOING TO BE SO FUCKING LATE
AND I AM A GODDAMN TRAGEDY
AND I AM
AND I AM
AND I AM
AND I AM ON FUCKING FIRE