S.Knuedson

I can't lie
Sometimes I will stay over because I know at some point you'll wake up
Then we'll have early morning, I've still got eye crust, no kissing because our collective halitosis would peel paint- sex
Then you go to work
And I will get up early with you and get a head start on my day
Since this you, is often no particular person,
this sexy alarm clock plan has failed before
"What do you mean you don't have a job?"
"it's Saturday, we can stay in and cuddle"
or even worse
"Sleep as late as you like, I'll leave the spare key by the bed, you can leave it under the mat when you leave."

That last one is the sweetest gesture,
except I don't want to sleep in
I don't want to spend three or four extra hours simmering in our sweat-from-the-night-before-and-morning
Lazing about,
looking at your book collection,
bonding with your cats,
burying my face into your sheets and breathing in deep the worn in smell of
your skin and faintly perfumed pomade
traces on your pillow

I am lucky enough to catch the morning bus rush
By the third stop, I am sandwiched between a child off to school and a fast talking Caribbean woman.
A few seats down will be the woman with a worn prayer book,
constantly reminding herself,
God loves me, he puts me through pain so I will be rewarded in heaven.
The morning rush keeps me occupied with a steady stream of people to analyze and fictionize their lives
I will be so consumed with the made up details of their lives that I won't have time to wonder if when you said, "I'll talk to you soon," when you left
that it mean't,
"I'll call you tomorrow" or next week
It will keep me from wondering
when you said, "Let's just see where it goes"
if you meant
lets actually find out,
or if you meant I'm trying to be nice, but nothings going to happen.
When I get to leave in the morning
I do get more time to write my little stories and read my little books,
gulp down gallons of weak bodega co0ffee and plot out who to call next
Because after a night with you,
laying alone hurts.